


Five Times Roman Worried About Virgil + the One Time He Did Something About It

by MaeInTheMiddle



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: 5 Times, 5+1 Things, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Anxious Morality | Patton Sanders, Artist Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Angst, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders is a Good Friend, Former Dark Side Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders Is A Good Friend, M/M, Morality | Patton Sanders Needs a Hug, Morality | Patton Sanders Tries, Orange, Other, Paranoia, Prinxiety - Freeform, logicality - Freeform, our boy needs a hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 04:14:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28842945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaeInTheMiddle/pseuds/MaeInTheMiddle
Summary: Virgil cried this time, and Roman had no idea what to do about it.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 15
Kudos: 101





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First time posting on AO3, besides beta-ing, so feedback is welcome :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil had cried this time.
> 
> What the hell was HE supposed to do about it??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First time posting, tell me what you think!

Roman watched Virgil talk to Patton from the couch, while he doodled mindlessly in his notebook, occasionally scribbling out an idea, letting it wander through Thomas’ head, and listening to Logan click away at a keyboard, doing God-knows-what meaningless research.

He was in a sort of trance, as he usually was when he was daydreaming.

What snapped him out of it was hearing Virgil let out a stifled cry. He looked up. Virgil’s back had been facing him, and his head was in his hands. Patton was in front of him with a hand on his shoulder. He stood there for a moment and comforted him, but eventually Virgil left for his room.

Never a dull moment.

He stood up and walked over to the staircase, where Patton was standing. He looked up and followed Virgil’s trail with his eyes. “What happened?”

“Oh…” Patton sighed, contemplatively. Virgil had been dealing with this for too long. He continued, his voice worn from ages of concern. “...nothing. Well, not "nothing," but he’d never forgive me if I told you.”

Roman sighed. He rarely ever respected Virgil’s boundaries, but he’d rather not push it knowing how upset Virgil was. It wouldn’t have been such a big deal if it weren’t for Virgil’s reluctance to show anyone in the mindscape an emotion other than annoyance.

He let himself linger at the bottom of the stairway, leaning idly against the banister, trying to let his mind drift as it had been before Virgil had started to cry.

Virgil didn’t come down, and eventually Roman took a seat on the couch, picking his notebook back up and off the table. He tried to let himself doodle, but all that came up were meaningless scribbles and little storm clouds that he denied had anything to do with Virgil, knowing full well that they did.

He wouldn’t admit it to himself, but he was worried about him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's too quiet.

Over the next couple of days, Virgil was quiet and reserved. Even more than usual. And Roman stared into the pages of his notebook, guilty. He had yet to say anything to Virgil, comforting or otherwise, and he knew it wasn’t helping. Virgil liked talking to him to some degree, and out of nothing but ego-preservation he refused to give even that to him.

Virgil said nothing about it. And nothing about anything. Logan nodded in acknowledgement every time he walked past, but other than that said nothing either.

And Patton wasn’t himself either. He was even more overwhelmingly empathetic, and feeling everyone’s discomfort and Virgil’s generally terrible state of mind on top of that was exhausting him. He spent most of his time doodling or dozing off against Logan, in which case Logan would nudge him awake and tell him to go to his room and take a nap.

Patton gently refused. He preferred to be out here, so that he could be woken up if anything happened that needed his attention. Nevertheless, he kept falling asleep.

Virgil continued to drift silently and aimlessly around the mindscape, careful to stay at least arm’s length away from everyone. It felt like he thought that they all had the plague. In reality, Virgil felt like he himself had the plague.

The only sounds we’re breathing and occasional ambient noises: keyboards clacking and low-quality pencils dragging across low-quality paper.

It was quiet. Nobody liked it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please hunt me down and strangle me if you see a typo, thanks :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The drawing was bright orange and concerning. It was pretty good though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Artist!Virgil is my kink

Eventually, the state of the mindscape returned to normal, except for a couple minor changes.

Patton was still more tired than usual, and was often seen exchanging weary conversation with Virgil in particular. Logan was more active in conversation, as if trying to fill up the quiet spaces Patton would normally occupy, and he tried to show Patton a little more affection than usual.

He didn’t know what was causing it all, and his main goal was to make Patton feel better.

Virgil and Roman watched their interactions from the sidelines, separately, touched with a slight jealousy of their open love for each other. They both silently wished for the other, oblivious and cripplingly homosexual.

—

Roman was picking up a mess he had made while being particularly extravagant, and saw one of Virgil’s notebooks open and facedown on the floor. He flipped it over, intending to close it, when he saw a page largely scribbled out. He took a closer look at it. It was an almost abstract drawing of a shadowy figure unlike anything he had ever seen. It looked malicious, in a way, and underneath it was the word “Anxiety” highlighted in orange. Roman cocked his head.

He had seen plenty of Virgil’s drawings before. Sometimes they were a little creepy, but they were always pretty good, and they never felt this concerning. Mostly because of the orange highlighter. Virgil couldn't stand the damn color.

Maybe his sudden change in demeanor had put Roman on edge, and maybe it meant nothing. But the eyes, which had been filled in with that same orange highlighter, weren’t something he would usually see Virgil draw.

He contemplated showing Patton, or even confronting Virgil, but it came down to the same thing that had stopped him from intervening a few days earlier: boundaries.

Virgil was upset. He didn’t want anyone to be snooping through his belongings, least of all Roman. And Roman didn’t want to upset him further. So it was this odd limbo of pros and cons that was making him question himself, which was something he didn’t often do, and something that he was never too fond of.

He decided to keep quiet. But he took a photo, just in case. It felt wrong taking a picture, but if Virgil closed off too much further, he wanted to have something to go off of. He wanted proof, if nothing else. And it was a good drawing.

Just a scary one, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brutally murder me for any spelling/grammar mistakes, thanks.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why was he running away...?

Roman watched as Virgil came out the next day, saw his notebook, pen, and highlighter on the table, and blinked. He hadn’t realized he had left it out here. The table was empty, so he’d assumed…

He swallowed. Someone might have looked through it. God forbid it was Patton, Virgil was putting him under enough stress already. Logan and Roman could’ve, but…

He shook his head and picked up his stuff, shoving the writing utensils in his pockets and holding the notebook close to his chest. He was overreacting. He was being a little too… 

_…Paranoid._

—

Roman walked down the stairs, seeing Virgil rush past, speeding up them as opposed to down, clutching his notebook to his chest. He blinked, and turned, but Virgil was already gone. He heard his bedroom door open and close. He walked halfway back up the stairs instinctively before realizing that he was just following Virgil. He stopped and turned back around.

He didn’t know what had driven him to go after him, nor what had made him stop and turn away. Maybe it was some kind of mix of worry and self preservation, or maybe it was just that he didn’t know what was going on and wanted to. Maybe it was nothing at all. Just some meaningless instinct. Virgil’s seemingly contagious anxiety.

He stood idly in the living-room for a while. He didn’t know what to do next. He felt aimless, and as someone made entirely for the purpose of having hopes and dreams, a lack of goals and end results unnerved him. He should be _doing_ something. But what exactly was he supposed to be doing?

He sighed. He _should_ be helping Patton figure out the whole thing with Virgil. But instead he was standing around like a deadweight trying desperately not to get involved.

He kept on telling himself that he didn’t want to make Virgil uncomfortable, but that wasn’t it.

He didn’t want to be told that he was the problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Typos, hunt me down, brutally murder me, etc.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> God, Roman fucking hated self-reflection.

Roman let himself continue to idle in the hallway. He was tired, too. He hadn’t noticed it before. Virgil was rubbing off on everyone. Even Logan looked a little down.

Just then, a rare little something happened. Neurons fired, and a brief snap of logic connected two dots in Roman’s head. They all felt terrible because of Virgil.

Before now, he had almost been annoyed. He had been kind of blaming Virgil for the whole thing. But he had just realized...

They all felt like garbage, and it was because Virgil was upset. But if they felt  _ this _ bad, Roman had no idea how terrible Virgil would be feeling.

A lot, that much he knew. More than usual. Arguably more than ever. He flipped back towards the staircase and bit the inside of his cheek. He could normally read people pretty well, but Virgil was a mystery to him. 

He sighed. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place. He could either disregard everything and keep pretending it was fine, repressing the guilt that came with it, as well as the feeling of being utterly useless, or he could actually do something about it, risking his own ego, as well as upsetting Virgil and possibly Patton even further.

Or he could linger for a while in this limbo of indecisiveness, and avoid confronting it altogether. None of the options were particularly brave, gallant, or at all prince-like, but neither was the situation. He couldn’t exactly say a couple nice words and make him feel all better. That wasn’t how the world worked, and it  _ certainly _ wasn’t how Virgil worked. He knew that.

Virgil couldn’t be fooled by a wink and a smile. He was too smart for that. But he wouldn’t believe anything Roman said with sincerity. He never had before.

He ran a hand through his hair, still looking up the stairway and into the hall that was lined by their rooms. He needed to do something, if only to alleviate the purgatory of guilt and denial he was stuck in.

At least he had finally managed to admit to himself that he was worried. That had to count for something, right?


	6. And the One Time He Did Something About It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Roman was warm, and smelled like vanilla. Virgil smelled like coffee."
> 
> ...vanilla latte? New ship name?

Roman lingered at the base of the stairway, leaning against the banister. He wasn’t used to self doubt, and certainly didn’t like the feeling. Yet he was still so invested in someone whose sole purpose was to create it. Ironic.

He sighed, making his way up the stairs. He didn’t realize saying that he was worried would be so hard.

He found himself at the top of the stairs. He shoved the self-doubt away. It wasn’t very prince-like to doubt oneself. That was the job of one very lovable emo, who just so happened to be more than a little upset.

He smiled at the words “very loveable emo” as they floated through his head. Patton would’ve liked that.

He shook the thought. Focus. Something he had yet to master.

He walked quietly up to Virgil’s door and knocked.

From inside the room, Virgil jumped so hard he nearly threw his phone across the room. Orange, orange, hide the orange.

It was an instinctive thought, until he realized that there was no orange left to hide. He hadn’t had any in a long time.

He took a moment to calm his racing heartbeat before speaking.

“Yeah…?” He winced at his own voice. God, did he really sound like that? Or was it just shaking because he knew it was Patton on the other side, come again to ask him to let it go?

“Can I come in?”

Virgil blinked. It was Roman. He recognized his voice, and it threw him for a loop. He panicked again. Why was he here? What did he want? Roman cleared his throat quietly from the other side of the door, and Virgil realized that he had yet to respond.

”Sure? Why?”

Roman opened the door and blinked. “About that…”

Virgil responded without thinking. “Oh God, what have I done now?”  _ Keep it together, dumbass. _

“Nothing, nothing. I’m just…” Roman shrugged awkwardly. “I’m kinda worried about you. Your mood has been rubbing off on us, which means you feel even worse, and I saw the thing you drew, and I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

“Oh God, I thought it was just Patton being affected. I’m sorry, I…” he blinked. He continued again, his voice careful. “You...saw what, exactly?”

_ Damn _ . “You left your notebook open on the floor, and I saw something you had drawn, and it kinda worried me, soo.”

“Roman.” Virgil’s voice was oddly calm. “What  _ exactly _ did you see?”

“I, uh, took a picture actually. Here, let me…” Roman opened up his phone and flipped through the camera roll for a moment before finding what he was looking for. “Here.”

He handed Virgil his phone, and Virgil took a long look.  _ I guess there was still orange to hide after all. _

“Oh.”

“Virgil, what’s wrong?”

Virgil sighed. “Nothing.”

“No, that’s a lie. Everyone feels awful because of you, meaning that by extension, you must be feeling even worse.”

“Listen Roman-”

“Don’t lie to me.”

Virgil sighed. It was affecting Roman now. He deserved to know.

“I...how do I phrase this…” he sighed, before continuing, “I’m not like you guys.”

“What does that  _ mean?? _ ”

Virgil paused for a moment, thinking. “Well, when I left, you remember, I never planned to come back. Ever. And before that, I wasn’t like you anyways.”

Roman blinked. He continued.

“Back when I was... when I wasn’t “Anxiety” I guess.” He shrugged, forming the half-hearted air quotes with the fingers of both hands.

They stood in silence for a moment. Virgil watched Roman trying to formulate a response.

“It really doesn’t matter, I’ll get over it.”

“Nononono, it does matter. It’s affecting everyone. Not just you.”

Another beat of silence. Roman began to speak.

“In...a  _ way _ , you’re right. You aren’t like us. But that isn’t a bad thing.”

Virgil chuckled bitterly. “No, you're not understanding. That’s not what I me-”

Roman cut him off. “I know it’s not. But all of that...all of your past…” Roman looked at him. He was sitting on the side of his bed with his hands at his sides, his hoodie wrapped around him like a protective shield. He smiled softly. “None of that defines you. When I look at you, I don’t see what you think I do. I don’t see “Paranoia.” I see you.”

Virgil looked back at him. He was leaning against the doorway, the door jam leaving a crease in his shirtsleeve. 

“You aren’t the monster you think you are. At the very least, not to me. You’re this edgy, sarcastic, sweet and selfless person. You’re one of the most interesting people I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. You aren’t like us, but you aren’t like them. You’re more than that.”

Virgil let out a shaky breath. “Princey, nice words aren’t just gonna fix everything.” Even as he said it, he felt tears burn the back of his eyes.

“I know that. But I like to think that they could help. You don’t just have Patton, Virgil. I’m here too. I don’t…” he remembered the last time Virgil got this upset. “I don’t want you to leave again.”

He cringed. His voice had broken on  _ leave _ .

Maybe it made Roman feel a little awkward, but it broke Virgil down the center. It really wasn’t just Patton, was it?

Did he really belong here?

His body shook, and he shuddered, burying his face in his hands. Roman swallowed. He was crying.

_ I don’t know how to deal with this, I don’t know how to deal with this… _ he thought to himself, even as he sat down next to Virgil. 

“Hey hey hey hey…” he rested a hand on Virgil’s shoulder. “...um...I’m sorry if I said anythi-“

Virgil leaned against him. still crying. Roman froze for a moment, but eventually relaxed, and wrapped an arm around Virgil. He was going to stay there until Virgil was okay. He was going to be there for him.

He should’ve been a while ago.

Virgil held part of Roman’s shirtsleeve and cried for God knows how long. Virgil had needed someone, anyone who felt as alone as he did. He needed it more than oxygen. And, apparently, Roman was it.

Because despite the grand exterior, Roman also felt more alone than he would like to admit.

Virgil eventually quieted down, but still cling to Roman’s sleeve for a while longer. He didn’t want to let go. And Roman found that he was equally as reluctant to let go of Virgil. This was different. 

Virgil let out a sigh.

“Thank you.”

“I should’ve said something days ago.”

“I’m just glad you said something.”

There was a pause. Virgil’s sweater was softer than it looked, and Virgil could hear Roman’s heartbeat.

“Princey?”

“Yes?”

“Does this feel weird to you?”

“How so?”

Roman was warm, and smelled like vanilla. Virgil smelled like coffee. His head was resting against the spot where Roman’s chest met his shoulder.

“I don’t know. It’s just different, yknow?”

“Bad different or good different?”

“...good different.”

Virgil’s tears were drying now, and his breath was slowing. He was almost out of that limbo stage where you could just burst into tears again any minute.

“Roman, I like you.”

“How so?”

“I wanna kiss you right now.”

“Huh, really?”

“Sorry…”

“No, don’t be.”

Roman leaned forwards slightly and planted a kiss on top of Virgil’s head. His hair smelled like shampoo and reapplied hair dye.

Virgil was thankful, almost, for everything. If that breakdown hadn’t been that exhausting, he never would’ve said it. And if he hadn’t exhausted everyone else in the process, Roman never would’ve let him finish the damn sentence.

But it had been. And now Patton was in the living-room, letting out a sigh of relief. Everything was fine. Finally, everything was fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT :D


End file.
